Feelings as of late.....

These are some poems I have found that kind of describe how I have felt this past week to give some insight into me. I act like everything is good in my life and that nothing is wrong when I talk to people. But in reality, things are spiraling. I really need some prayers.

"Some of you pretend to know me...
some of you don't care to…
close family and friends you might be...
but you still don't know ME
My Mom, my sis, they ASSUME...
yet miss by far
Love me or hate me I care not,
none of you know me
no matter WHO you are"

"I keep looking for comfort from you
I sit and wonder if your love is true
You see me crying
Inside you have to know I'm dying
Don't you see these tears
Don't you see the hurt from so many years
The little girl that was hurt so bad
Is now 19 years old and utterly sad
No one to listen or even to talk to
Recalling memories that hurt me through and through
The things you ask of me
It triggers a memory
Memories I'd rather forget
Memories embedded in my mind, completely set
The hurt, the pain and anger won't go away
I wonder who "loves me" and will turn their back today
I can't explain how I feel inside
Feelings of abandonment rush in like the tide
Ghosts haunt me no matter where I go
I do love you still, that you should know
I wish you could understand
I would be there holding your hand
I would take away all your pain
So in the end, you'd have a life to gain
But for me, darkness is all I see
No happiness for this little girl is to be
The adult lives her life
Taking on happiness, sorrow and strife
I hope someday you'll understand
Someday I hope you'll be here to comfort me and hold my hand
Until that day all I feel is punishment
Along with those never-ending feelings of abandonment"

Sunday lessons

It's been a few months since I posted last. I haven't been very consistent. Haha. This semester has gone relatively good so far. It's been a little rough being that I can't be at home as much as I'd like but it's taught me a lot. I am working at a great location. I love my job now. My mom and I are singing on the 30th and I'm so honored to be singing with someone so amazingly talented! She is my best friend and the most influential woman in my life. I am also excited about making her birthday present. I've had a lot of fun doing it. My sister got to hang out with me for a little while after church today and we had fun making pudding and talking about crazy dreams. lol 

I am half way through the semester with a 3.2 average GPA and it makes me very happy. My parents have believed in me and truly helped me succeed! Today in church we talked about wisdom and proverbs in the Bible. I got to thinking about things and how annoyed/frustrated I get by the silliest things.


1. Someone not texting me back

2. Not being able to see my mom all week

3. Comments that aren't on my facebook


And I realized that these things are really meaningless in retrospect. If I'm not sent a reply to something, maybe it's because they're busy....And with my mom, I am able to see her every Sunday and sometimes more. I sometimes forget that there are people all around me who don't see their families but once or twice a semester and I see mine every week. My dad is right on campus. And people not commenting on facebook, big deal. I was just letting stupid things bother me. With the holidays coming up, I am finding more things to look forward to and a big one is being around family. My mom's smile lightens the room and my dad's hugs are the warmest I know.....My sister can make me laugh and my brother is so tender and compassionate. I can't think of a better family. They have watched me fail so many times and still believe in me, no matter how much I rebelled. And now I really see things looking up.

So, for each blog post from now on, there will be at least one thing that I'm grateful for. And for all reading this, I pray you will see the amazing things in your life and be grateful for each of them! 

~Kelsey

Who I am is not who I've been

It's been a while since my last post and things have been crazy!!! This summer has been sort of really tough and things are shaping up to be really rough this semester at school as well. I will be headed back to school in about a week and I am somewhat not looking forward to it and to leaving my family. I am praying for God's guidance to lead me through school. As school has gotten closer, more and more has opened up, however. I will be working at the Boys and Girls Club this year and am very excited about it! I also will get to sing with one of my favorite groups Point of Grace this semester with my college choir! Certain aspects of school really excite me and others have me down in the dumps. :( But God will see me through. I have no doubt. God is the Almighty Great One!!! There is none like Him.

Hallelujah!!!!!

As of April 3, 2011; I have given my life 100% to the Lord MY God!!!! I am so very excited to see what the Lord has in store for my life. He's already worked miracles and now I am in awe. Satan triumphed before but not anymore!!!! Fantastic night at church and amazing weekend with my parents!!! :)

Day one....

Hey everyone!!! So I'm a little new at this blogging thing but I am looking forward to it. My name is Kelsey and i am 18 years old. This past summer I was adopted into a family because of a very interesting situation. I had a rough childhood and adolescent period due to my birth family. During high school I became really close to my choir teacher. She was the teacher I could talk to and not worry about anything. The day everything happened she let me come into her house and a few months later I was her daughter. I am so blessed to have had her in my life when things came crashing down. It's been almost a year now and things are looking great! I am so excited to continue my future with my new family and can't wait to see what the future holds. I am a believer in the One True God and that He sent His son Jesus to die for us on the cross. On easter this year, I will be baptized. God has brought me through more than I could have ever imagined and I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for Him. I owe all of my being to the Lord! Right now I am writing and it is almost 1am and I have church in the morning so I may want to say goodnight. Just wanted to start the blog tonight! I am willing to share my story to anyone who needs to hear it! God can work in peoples lives and He has brought a miracle to my situation!!!!!! I love my Lord!!!!!!! Amen